Eponymous Fliponymous

Angry Bisexual With A Keyboard
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To use language that I find to be a better description, it’s like an electron cloud. Gender, like sexual orientation, comes in nearly infinite variations with some larger (and some smaller) metastable areas where in a random crown you’re more likely to find the majority. A lot of people who are pretty happy with these metastable areas treat them like the old fixed orbits that we used to imaging electrons were in, but that’s Bohring and not really how it works, just how it looks from one PoV.

Yo. Gay people. You may be wondering why bisexual activists frequently point out biphobia in the gay community. You may ask, “Why aren’t they focusing on the Overculture that’s beating on us all?”

The answer is in Silence of the Lambs.

There’s a scene in there, where Clarice calls Crawford aside, after he’s said something that puts women down.

"Sir," she says, "those men in there? They take their cues from you."

As long as biphobia is tolerated in the gay and lesbian community, then the well-meaning straight people who want to help will think it’s OK to be crappy to bisexual people. And the not-so-well meaning straight people? Does ANYONE think that they are treating bisexual people any better than gay people?

And don’t EVEN start with the whole “accessing straight privilege” thing, because *even if that argument were true* (which is isn’t) if you follow that logic then no one, gay or bi, would ever be out of the closet. Come on, people, you share the closet experience, it may be the only near-universal queer experience. Are you gonna stand there and tell me that it’s OK to put down bisexuals because the closet is a magical place filled with friendship and magic and pudding pops? Didn’t think so.

A gay blogger dropped trou and unloaded a steaming log of biphobia in the punchbowl today. Is now complaining about the mean bisexuals who misunderstood him. We didn’t misunderstand, Jack, we need you to not “educate straight people” if what you are teaching them is that bisexuals are horrible people.

I will not calm down. I will not tolerate Callous Disregard. I will not allow biphobia from straight or gay people to stand unchallenged. Gay and Lesbian brothers and sisters and siblings, stand with me. That’s all I ask. Stand with me *the way we have stood with you from the beginning*.

misandry-malone:

If you want to say you’re “pro-equality” then you need to be pro-equality for everyone. That means LGBT people, immigrants, people with disabilities (physical and mental, including addicts), women, marginalized races (including the ones no one talks about, like Natives and Rroma), people with…

All aboard or this train ain’t gonna get nowhere we want to be.

One of the phrases I most despise is “Agree to disagree” applied as a way to end an argument/disagreement/discussion.

There is no “agreeing to disagree” on a matter of substance. We can agree to disagree on whether strawberries or raspberries taste better covered in chocolate, or whether the Camero or the Trans Am or the Firebird is a more visually appealing motorcar, or whether the egg should be served small end or big end up.

But we cannot agree to disagree on whether some people deserve basic human rights, or whether or not someone has said something hurtful to a group of people, or if fact A is true or not. That is not an agreement, it is the person who has the most power in the dynamic deciding they no longer wish to have their views challenged, and it is something up with which I will not put.

midwestbiactivist:

Bisexual Organizing Project Chairperson Camille Holthaus recently gave an excellent interview on KFAI’s Fresh Fruit about bisexuality, Bisexual Organizing Project, and the upcoming 2014 BECAUSE Conference.

During the interview, Camille not only discusses the exciting programming that will be…

shiraglassman:

bisexual-community:

shiraglassman:

jenniferrpovey:

shiraglassman:

An uncomfortable conversation last night with an older gay man left me wondering why some monosexually gay folks seem like they would prefer anyone who’s bisexual and in a marriage or other committed relationship that looks gay on the outside (for example, my marriage, which looks lesbian if you ignore my spouse’s gender identity and my other attractions) to identify as gay or lesbian instead of as bisexual.

I mean, if they’re insisting that folks like me identify as lesbian, then isn’t it obvious why some of them think that all bisexual women will end up with (cis) men or at least be poly with more than one gender at once? If folks like me don’t count, those other people are the only ones left.

It goes all ways. Comes back to what I was saying earlier about behavior versus identity.

ANY bisexual who enters into ANY committed relationship will have a subset of people erase them like this and if you’re with the opposite sex, you even get told you’re “betraying the queer community.”

Yeah, I like the part in that other post where you said let people self-identify.

It just seems so incredibly insidious that “all bisexuals will” and then they carefully remove all bisexuals who don’t fit their idea from the sample set by saying they’re not really bisexual. Which makes them look right, but only because they rigged the statistics.

As a man, he also seemed incapable of recognizing one of the reasons I identify as bi so noisily: because I don’t want my bisexual impulses (my crushes on René Pape, Jonas Kaufmann, and whoever else) to make it look like lesbians like men. Some straight men are gross and think they can ‘turn’ lesbians. I don’t want to add to that shit by babbling about hot German opera singers. I don’t want that to give people the wrong idea.

But he didn’t seem to understand that at all. And basically told me why would I need to talk about a crush, anyway? ….okay.

^^^See this bit about how random people just make up "definitions" of bisexual to be able to prove or disprove whatever political, scientific or cultural point they wish to make? This happens continually. And always to the detriment of the “B” in LGBT.

This is why it is Extremely Important to understand the difference between two separate ideas:

  1. a formal definition of bisexuality (in humans), that covers everyone as a class, that has been arrived at after a great deal of study, discussion and consensus building by academics, groups, activists and researchers
  2. your own lived experience as a bisexual individual and how you express being bisexual in your every day life

Here is the most current formal definition of Bisexual from the 2013 edition of BiNet USA Bisexual Media Guide:

Bisexuals - A person whose enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction is to other people of various sexes and/or gender identities. Individuals may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.

Or if you’d rather here is the same but in an informal cute shorter "twitter-ish" version:

Bisexuals = people who can ♥ people of SAME/SIMILAR Sex + Gender as themselves + can ♥ people of DIFFERENT Sex + Genders/Gender Presentations from themselves

Also there is this more personal version from the American bisexual activist Robyn Ochs:

I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted - romantically and/or sexually - to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.

Please use theses definitions created by the Bisexual Community itself that accurately express what we as a whole have been saying about ourselves since the beginning of the modern Queer Rights movement starting in the 1960’s/1970’s.

Please do not use things made up by random persons, who while they may be well meaning are unfortunately many times ill informed. Or even worse those by some who have a hidden agenda that frequently does not have the best interests of bisexual people in mind.

Remember there should be: "Nothing About Us Without Us".

You know, you’re right… I bet I could have avoided the whole gross conversation if I had just said “because I’m attracted to more than one gender.” And left it at that. I got really flustered, and I could have said so much more in so much fewer words if I’d been better prepared.

binetusa:

While I have massive respect for the 2014 NYC Pride Grand MarshalsJonathon Groff, Rea Carey, and Laverne Cox — it was deeply upsetting to hear that NYC Pride only selected three individuals to represent the LGbT community. Even worse when bisexuals emailed, called, blogged and tweeted about this oversight, the organizers ignored us.

Just to hammer home their disrespect for bi people, @NYCPride re-tweeted this joke, “She’s bi … coastal! @ddlovato will be grand marshal at @LAPRIDE and performing at @NYCPride”

It’s fantastic that NYC Pride and L.A. Pride have both taken steps to be more transgender inclusive and transgender-affirming. I desire a world where all gender identities and expressions are treated with dignity and respect, but it must not come at the expense of more bisexual lives.

As Dr. Herukhuti, a bisexual sociologist, recently noted on Bilerico that bisexual erasure is psychic murder. I have lost friends to their own hand, and I believe that psychic murder leads to the very real and far too early deaths of bisexual people—hell, it almost lead to mine.

BiNet USA has commented on the lack of bisexuals acknowledged by Pride Festivals before. We are finding that suggestions for bi inclusion are roundly rejected as not being urgent enough alongside other important LGbT issues

This approach plays into “Oppression Olympics,” we play ourselves against each other, instead of holding on to each other to build the massive groundswell needed to end homophobia, biphobia, acephobia, and transphobia… It will take the combined voices of those who have seen us rise from a lifetime of being alone, dejected, weak and afraid; because our troubles are just as real, and we have been brave enough, for long enough.

Want to do something about this? Then Click the Link and Sign the Petition to, “Stop Bisexual Erasure at NYC Pride.”

shiraglassman:

bisexual-community:

shiraglassman:

jenniferrpovey:

shiraglassman:

An uncomfortable conversation last night with an older gay man left me wondering why some monosexually gay folks seem like they would prefer anyone who’s bisexual and in a marriage or other committed relationship that looks gay on the outside (for example, my marriage, which looks lesbian if you ignore my spouse’s gender identity and my other attractions) to identify as gay or lesbian instead of as bisexual.

I mean, if they’re insisting that folks like me identify as lesbian, then isn’t it obvious why some of them think that all bisexual women will end up with (cis) men or at least be poly with more than one gender at once? If folks like me don’t count, those other people are the only ones left.

It goes all ways. Comes back to what I was saying earlier about behavior versus identity.

ANY bisexual who enters into ANY committed relationship will have a subset of people erase them like this and if you’re with the opposite sex, you even get told you’re “betraying the queer community.”

Yeah, I like the part in that other post where you said let people self-identify.

It just seems so incredibly insidious that “all bisexuals will” and then they carefully remove all bisexuals who don’t fit their idea from the sample set by saying they’re not really bisexual. Which makes them look right, but only because they rigged the statistics.

As a man, he also seemed incapable of recognizing one of the reasons I identify as bi so noisily: because I don’t want my bisexual impulses (my crushes on René Pape, Jonas Kaufmann, and whoever else) to make it look like lesbians like men. Some straight men are gross and think they can ‘turn’ lesbians. I don’t want to add to that shit by babbling about hot German opera singers. I don’t want that to give people the wrong idea.

But he didn’t seem to understand that at all. And basically told me why would I need to talk about a crush, anyway? ….okay.

^^^See this bit about how random people just make up "definitions" of bisexual to be able to prove or disprove whatever political, scientific or cultural point they wish to make? This happens continually. And always to the detriment of the “B” in LGBT.

This is why it is Extremely Important to understand the difference between two separate ideas:

  1. a formal definition of bisexuality (in humans), that covers everyone as a class, that has been arrived at after a great deal of study, discussion and consensus building by academics, groups, activists and researchers
  2. your own lived experience as a bisexual individual and how you express being bisexual in your every day life

Here is the most current formal definition of Bisexual from the 2013 edition of BiNet USA Bisexual Media Guide:

Bisexuals - A person whose enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction is to other people of various sexes and/or gender identities. Individuals may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.

Or if you’d rather here is the same but in an informal cute shorter "twitter-ish" version:

Bisexuals = people who can ♥ people of SAME/SIMILAR Sex + Gender as themselves + can ♥ people of DIFFERENT Sex + Genders/Gender Presentations from themselves

Also there is this more personal version from the American bisexual activist Robyn Ochs:

I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted - romantically and/or sexually - to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.

Please use theses definitions created by the Bisexual Community itself that accurately express what we as a whole have been saying about ourselves since the beginning of the modern Queer Rights movement starting in the 1960’s/1970’s.

Please do not use things made up by random persons, who while they may be well meaning are unfortunately many times ill informed. Or even worse those by some who have a hidden agenda that frequently does not have the best interests of bisexual people in mind.

Remember there should be: "Nothing About Us Without Us".

You know, you’re right… I bet I could have avoided the whole gross conversation if I had just said “because I’m attracted to more than one gender.” And left it at that. I got really flustered, and I could have said so much more in so much fewer words if I’d been better prepared.

nooffswitch:

a-little-bi-furious:

nooffswitch:

elseacha-2008:

This is in the book I just bought about BPD called “Sometimes I Act Crazy”. Yay for medical books equating bisexuality with confusion. Yay legitimized biphobia

This book is trash. Where/who is the publisher/author?
Let’s write them or if they are done blowing their $$$$ on awards and feel like doing Idk WORK on actual Bi issues maybe GLAAD could step in?

I personally would trust NOTHING in this book. If the author is this bigoted then they probably have more screwed up stuff too.

I’d definitely say action alert, comparing sexualities to mental illness symptoms although not uncommon in the medical industry is surely bloody illegal. Let’s get on this.

OK here is the amazon page:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0471792144?pc_redir=1399131749&robot_redir=1
I hope that link works.

Here is the author and publisher:
Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., Hal Straus

John Wiley & Sons
Here is their website:
http://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/

This is a huge problem.  There is insufficient documentation and real help for bisexuals seeking therapy — we’re too often told that our identity is our problem.  If this book equated being gay with “sexual confusion” it never would have made it through the editorial process.  While there are some very good books and articles out there, as bisexuals we have yet to crack the mainstream — there is a Standard Treatment Planner for “Gay and Lesbian”, but it dismisses bisexuality, for example.

The authors of this book need to be contacted, as does the publisher.

(via a-little-bi-furious)

midwestbiactivist:

"[T]he mental health impact of having people repeatedly question bisexual identity and/or saying bisexual identity is not real or ‘can be changed,’ has a similar impact on bisexual people’s mental health as ex-gay therapy does. Why? Because it’s the same thing, only specifically being done to bi…

Identity matters.

midwestbiactivist:

Yesterday, I got into a bit of a Facebook debate about whether it is ever appropriate to question if someone’s bisexual identity is “real” or “fake.”

In case you were wondering, here is an answer posted in easily accessible FAQ format to help out! 

Q: When is it okay to question if someone’s bisexual identity is “real” or not? 

A: Never.

Testify!

No, seriously. We are everywhere. We’re next door, we’re downstairs, we’re behind the counter, we’re checking your blood pressure, we’re answering the phone when you call customer service, we’re sitting next to you having coffee, one of us is even in Congress. We’re in that car in front of you, we just got on the bus, we’re riding our bikes, we’re laughing at lolcats. We’re young, we’re old, we’re every race, every religion (or no religion), every socioeconomic status (although everything I’ve seen and heard tends to indicate that we’re not as well represented in the upper ranks of America’s peculiar psuedoclassless class structure as some others).

We’re right here. Ask us before telling us who and what we are. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request, does it.