It’s easy to conform. What conforming is not is healthy.
As a middle-aged transwoman currently transitioning, I know...
Let me grind this in a little more for you guys.
"cis" (from cisgender) means you identify as the gender you were assigned.
If you want to say you’re “pro-equality” then you need to be pro-equality for everyone. That means LGBT people, immigrants, people with disabilities...
To use language that I find to be a better description, it’s like an electron cloud. Gender, like sexual orientation, comes in nearly infinite variations with some larger (and some smaller) metastable areas where in a random crown you’re more likely to find the majority. A lot of people who are pretty happy with these metastable areas treat them like the old fixed orbits that we used to imaging electrons were in, but that’s Bohring and not really how it works, just how it looks from one PoV.
Yo. Gay people. You may be wondering why bisexual activists frequently point out biphobia in the gay community. You may ask, “Why aren’t they focusing on the Overculture that’s beating on us all?”
The answer is in Silence of the Lambs.
There’s a scene in there, where Clarice calls Crawford aside, after he’s said something that puts women down.
"Sir," she says, "those men in there? They take their cues from you."
As long as biphobia is tolerated in the gay and lesbian community, then the well-meaning straight people who want to help will think it’s OK to be crappy to bisexual people. And the not-so-well meaning straight people? Does ANYONE think that they are treating bisexual people any better than gay people?
And don’t EVEN start with the whole “accessing straight privilege” thing, because *even if that argument were true* (which is isn’t) if you follow that logic then no one, gay or bi, would ever be out of the closet. Come on, people, you share the closet experience, it may be the only near-universal queer experience. Are you gonna stand there and tell me that it’s OK to put down bisexuals because the closet is a magical place filled with friendship and magic and pudding pops? Didn’t think so.
A gay blogger dropped trou and unloaded a steaming log of biphobia in the punchbowl today. Is now complaining about the mean bisexuals who misunderstood him. We didn’t misunderstand, Jack, we need you to not “educate straight people” if what you are teaching them is that bisexuals are horrible people.
I will not calm down. I will not tolerate Callous Disregard. I will not allow biphobia from straight or gay people to stand unchallenged. Gay and Lesbian brothers and sisters and siblings, stand with me. That’s all I ask. Stand with me *the way we have stood with you from the beginning*.
One of the phrases I most despise is “Agree to disagree” applied as a way to end an argument/disagreement/discussion.
There is no “agreeing to disagree” on a matter of substance. We can agree to disagree on whether strawberries or raspberries taste better covered in chocolate, or whether the Camero or the Trans Am or the Firebird is a more visually appealing motorcar, or whether the egg should be served small end or big end up.
But we cannot agree to disagree on whether some people deserve basic human rights, or whether or not someone has said something hurtful to a group of people, or if fact A is true or not. That is not an agreement, it is the person who has the most power in the dynamic deciding they no longer wish to have their views challenged, and it is something up with which I will not put.
Yesterday, I got into a bit of a Facebook debate about whether it is ever appropriate to question if someone’s bisexual identity is “real” or “fake.”
In case you were wondering, here is an answer posted in easily accessible FAQ format to help out!
Q: When is it okay to question if someone’s bisexual identity is “real” or not?